The teams are out! Southampton are dressed in their trademark stripes, if you just count the socks.
The shirts are effectively made up of one big red stripe, traditionalists might want to look at it that way.
Everton meanwhile are in their famous blue shirts and white breeks. It's a strong look all round, and with Southampton's predominantly red clobber, one that's reminiscent of the 1986/87 season, when Everton became champions of England and the likes of Glenn Cockerill and Paul Power roamed the earth. Anyway, lines are formed, hands are shaken, and we'll be off in a minute or two!
Danny Wallace and John Bailey in the 1984 FA Cup semi at Highbury, won 1-0 by Everton
No picture of Saints in their all-red Draper Tools number from the mid-80s, sadly, so Danny Wallace and John Bailey in the 1984 FA Cup semi at Highbury will have to do
12.46pm BST
And we're off! Saints get into a huddle. Happily for the home support, they're out of it again and in position when Everton get the ball rolling, in front of England boss Mr Roy, to boot. They immediately make forward with signal purpose, then lose the ball within four seconds. Mixed messages there.
12.48pm BST 53 seconds: GOAL!!! Southampton 1-0 Everton (Alcaraz)
Oh dear. Lambert takes a couple of strides down the left, then curls a ball into the centre, in the vague direction of Gallagher. The cross doesn't reach the young striker, because Alcaraz sends a Keith Houchenesque diving header into the left-hand side of the net! What a calamity for a player who's only starting today because of Everton's injury troubles at the back.
Updated at 12.49pm BST
12.50pm BST
3 min: Everton respond well to that ludicrous early blow. Coleman, who cost 50p and is worth about £50m - poor old David Moyes should take a bow - tears down the right and whips a cross into the middle. Lukaku, 12 yards out, lashes a first-time shot miles over the bar. A promising move.
Antolín Alcarez does his best Keith Houchen impression.
Updated at 1.41pm BST
12.51pm BST
5 min: Gallacher twists and turns down the left, enters the area, and hammers a low cross into the back of the sliding Stones. The striker appeals for hand ball, but the referee isn't so green as he's cabbage looking, and is having none of it. "That Archibald Leitch did make some beautiful grounds, atmospheric too," writes Goodison regular Gary Naylor. "It's just that it's hard to see from so many seats - which is a pretty significant design flaw really." Leitch was probably pre-empting the Walter Smith era, in fairness.
12.52pm BST
7 min: The first corner of the match, to Everton, down the left. Here's hoping the set pieces improve this afternoon, eh, let's just leave it at that.
12.55pm BST
10 min: They've just been showing a rerun of the Alcaraz folly. Impressive instant despair from the defender as he realised what he'd just done. Falling to the floor, he pressed his face fully into the turf and started beating the grass with both palms.
Not sure whether it betters Kolo Toure's reaction to that backpass at West Brom, when the Liverpool defender impotently chased after his errant pass with head already in hands, but it's an evocative image nonetheless.
A dejected Antolin Alcaraz.
Updated at 1.00pm BST
12.58pm BST
11 min: Good work from Naismith, who attaches himself to a reverse pass from Coleman down the right, turns on a sixpence in the area, and reaches the byline. A dangerous looking low cross is bundled out of play by Shaw. The corner again isn't great, overcomplicated and ineffective, but Everton are beginning to dominate possession, perhaps having finally cleared their heads after that nonsense of an opening minute.
1.00pm BST
14 min: Lallana makes an effort to break into the Everton box down the right, but falls over under pressure from Baines. Or, in short, a lull.
1.01pm BST
15 min: Deulofeu makes a bit of space for himself and lashes a shot towards the bottom left from a fair distance out on the wing. Boruc is behind it all the way. "Perhaps Mr. Leitch intended the supports to have tv screens attached to them so fans in a restricted view behind them could see the game and be at the game all at the same time," suggests Simon Inglis Ian Copestake.
1.04pm BST
17 min: Naismith collides with Lovren down the right, competing for a bouncing ball. Knee collides with knee, and the Everton player is down, off the pitch, clutching his leg and looking in serious pain, face down on the turf, not moving an inch. Never a good sign. The game goes on with Naismith stricken, Cork looping a shot from 20 yards straight down the throat of Howard.
1.06pm BST
20 min: As a very open game continues - Davis now has a hammer from distance, but it's blocked by Stones - Naismith has thankfully recovered. After two minutes worth of treatment, 30 seconds of grimacing, and another 30 seconds of hopping around on the touchline impatiently, he's back on.
1.08pm BST
22 min: Lambert reenacts his run of the opening minute, gliding down the left and taking his time before caressing a pulled-back pass to the edge of the area, where Davis is rushing in. Davis meets the ball first time, opening his body and sidefooting an effort towards the top right. It flies past the post, but not by much. That would have been a very pretty goal indeed. You could have drawn a picture of it, with a view to publishing it in a book.
Southampton's Rickie Lambert: having a decent time of it so far.
Updated at 1.11pm BST
1.10pm BST
24 min: It's not really happening for Everton at the moment. They look very shaky and nervous. Clyne makes good down the right and is upended by a clumsy challenge from Barry. An excuse for Lallana to attempt to ping a crossfield pass to Lambert at the left-hand post, but there's too much juice on the ball and it whistles into the sea of punters behind the goal.
1.12pm BST
26 min: Alcaraz plays a lame ball out of defence. Lambert latches onto it and plays an immediate ball down the left-hand channel for Lallana, who would have been clear on goal if he hand't let the pass run under his studs. He still manages to win a corner, but nothing comes of it. A real chance to put some distance between the two teams spurned. Everton need to wake from their slumber, and quickly, because the Champions League seems an awful long way away right now.
1.16pm BST
29 min: Deulofeu busies himself down the left and buys a free kick from Clyne, who sticks out a lazy leg. Free kick, in a dangerous position. Baines takes, whipping the ball down the corridor of uncertainty. Barry, level with the left-hand post, makes a run with a view to heading goalwards from six yards out, but mistimes and doesn't connect. Saints clear. That delivery deserved better. "Surely if there’s too much juice on the ball (24 min) it would splash into the sea of punters?" wonders Phil James, who might just have too much time on his hands, but nevertheless is making good points, and making them well.
1.19pm BST GOAL!!! Southampton 2-0 Everton (Coleman 31 og)
Everton are the architects of their own downfall yet again. Clyne tears down the right, and loops a cross into the centre. There's no danger, but a slightly unsighted Coleman, in the middle, six yards out, cushions a header into the bottom right, catching Howard totally flat footed. This is farcical. Sandy Brown had nothing on this.
Not again! Seamus Coleman this time.
Updated at 1.24pm BST
1.20pm BST
34 min: Everton are in shock. From a corner on the left, Lallana flashes a cross into the area. Lovren meets the ball with his nut, but his effort is straight at Howard. How the keeper must wish Alcaraz and Coleman were similarly accurate.
1.22pm BST
35 min: Thing is, just before the second Southampton/Everton goal, replays of the Baines free kick (29 min) were being played. And the reason Barry mistimed his attack on the ball? Cork had a handful of his shirt. On the Amazing Guardian Skrtel-o-meter, it registered a full 10 out of 10. It'd have been a soft one to concede, but rules are rules. Everton won't be happy with that.
1.24pm BST
37 min: A couple of corners for Everton down the right. Nowt happening. Then Deulofeu, who has switched wings, drops a shoulder past Davis down the right and curls one into the centre, where Lukaku heads over from close range. How Everton need something to happen, and quickly.
1.27pm BST
39 min: Lallana makes space for himself in the left-hand side of the Everton area. He pitching-wedges a cross towards the centre, but the ball hits the left hand of Stones, whose arm is certainly sticking out needlessly. The referee considers it accidental. Saints aren't happy, as you'll have certainly seen penalties given for that. Probably a fair decision on balance, just, with Stones at close range to Lallana, though it wouldn't have been the most egregious penalty award had it been given. Everton's defenders appear to be queuing up to jigger their Champions League bid. "Irish Cafu in Toffee snafu," opines Niall Mullen, accordingly.
1.29pm BST
42 min: A lot of huffing and puffing from Everton, but not much else.
1.32pm BST
45 min: Barry stands on the ball in the centre circle. Gallacher looks to make off with the ball and zip towards the Everton goal with extreme prejudice. Barry wrestles him to the ground, and is booked for his trouble. Everton need the half-time whistle, their heads are totally muddled. This is as bad as they've played all season, if not worse. And yes, that does include the Merseyside derby at Anfield. How they could do with the electric running of Kevin Mirallas, who was superb that evening, right now.
1.33pm BST HALF TIME: Southampton 2-0 Everton
And that's that, the end of a living-nightmare 45 minutes for Champions League chasing Everton. Roberto Martinez stomps down the tunnel with furrowed brow. A big ten minutes coming up for the manager, if Everton are to save their dreams.
Half-time snack: These are freshly made this morning, genuine pre-match photos from our snapper down on the south coast. He was bored, wasn't he?
1.47pm BST
And we're off again! Everton make a change, the ineffectual Barkley replaced by Leon Osman. They really need to get something going immediately, if not sooner. Even a draw doesn't do them many favours, with Arsenal surely destined for three points on Monday night when former competitive professional sport concern Newcastle United visit the Emirates. They'll have to turn over a Saints team playing here with supreme confidence, and a support matching their heroes step for step. According to Sara Williams, they've been belting out the following number: "Who needs Jay Rodriguez? We've got your back four"!
1.51pm BST
47 min: A poor clearing header by Fonte is picked up in the centre circle by Naismith, who immediately slides a pass forward for Lukaku. The striker has a yard on Shaw, who has been caught upfield, and tears clear down the inside-right channel towards the box. But the linesman's flag goes up. Really not sure about that one at all. Everton are livid, and might just have a point. Shaw was all over the place there, miles out of position, and appears to have got away with one.
1.53pm BST
49 min: Everton look a yard sharper since the restart, which admittedly is not difficult given their lumpen first-half display. The final pass missing so far, though. Here's Charles Antaki,reminding Everton fans of better times: "One remarkable aspect of the Sandy Brown video (31 min) - apart from the obvious one - is that although he was 30 years old at the time, he looks at least 50, perhaps 60. Yet he was fit enough to score a beautiful diving header, and be part of a league winning team that year! No current 30-year old professional footballer looks like that now. Even Samuel Eto’o looks about 25."
1.55pm BST
51 min: The distinctly unimpressive Alcaraz concedes a corner down the right, the inexperienced Gallagher all over him. The set piece comes to nothing, but this really isn't a good sign. "The only real black mark for Martinez in his first year is that the players he has bought, other than McCarthy, are disastrous," opines Colin Livingstone. "Alcaraz is a horrible football player and Kone is worse. Apparently Cleverley next. Doesn't bode well."
1.59pm BST
54 min: A free kick for Everton down the left. Deulofeu curls it into the Saints area from deep. It's cleared, but poorly, allowing Naismith to meet a dropping ball on the edge of the area. His shot isn't great, but deflected out for a corner on the left. The set piece results in a fairly aimless lump forward down the right by Coleman, who will be desperate to make up for his earlier error. That's no good, though. "You say Coleman was slightly unsighted (31 min), which makes me wonder erroneously whether his head was seated behind a pillar at Goodison," writes Ian Copestake who, along with Gary Naylor and your MBM hack, is one of only three people in the entire world interested in thrashing as much as they can from this lame architecture riff.
2.01pm BST
57 min: Lallana sprays a pass deep into the stand. The away support cheer, having had very little else to shout about today. That early second-half energy already seems to have gone.
Adam Lallana, centre, and co battle for the ball.
Updated at 2.05pm BST
2.02pm BST
58 min: Deulofeu is replaced by McGeady.
Updated at 2.12pm BST
2.03pm BST
60 min: Barry clumsily takes down Lallana as the Saints midfielder prepares to enter the Everton area. He's a lucky boy not to be given a second yellow, but then Everton really didn't deserve that preposterous offside decision just after the restart, so they're owed something. Lambert sidefoots a strong shot towards the bottom right. It shaves the outside of the post. Everton's Champions League challenge really is hanging by a thread here.
2.06pm BST
62 min: Everton triangulate down the inside-left channel. Some pretty stuff. Naismith slides a pass into the area for Osman, who is booked for clipping Lovren's leg and going down. He was certainly playing for it, but Lovren had dived in, and how many times have teams been awarded spot kicks for that? Everton are incensed. Again. They've certainly been given nothing for free by this referee since the restart.
2.07pm BST
64 min: But if it's not your day, it's not your day. McGeady twinkles down the left, reaches the byline, and stands one up in the middle. Lukaku meets the cross with a belting header from six yards, but it goes straight at Boruc. An inch either side and the keeper wouldn't have been able to react to that, such was the speed the ball was travelling. But Everton's luck is out, and it flashes straight down the keeper's throat. Lukaku holds his head, a perfect picture of angst and despair.
2.12pm BST
67 min: Head tennis in the Saints area, but the ball's eventually cleared. Everton are beginning to press the home side back, though to little effect so far. "It's a shame there are no takers for the architecture riff as it has a rich vocabularly that could find a good housing in football," suggests Ian Copestake. "Everton are certainly making a bit of a gambrel of this match." Yes. So close to the Champions League, and they appear to have stuccoed their porticoes.
2.14pm BST
70 min: Saints have calmed things down a wee bit. A free kick won down the left. Davis's delivery isn't up to much, but the wind's out of Everton's sails right now, and that's enough.
Everton's Romelu Lukaku and Southampton's Luke Shaw.
Updated at 2.27pm BST
2.15pm BST
72 min: Lallana is sent skittering into the Everton area down the right, chasing a lovely dinked Davis pass. He attempts to cross, but the ball clanks into the armpit of Stones. Saints appeal for a penalty, but the defender was so close to Lallana, it's never going to be given.
2.18pm BST
74 min: Baines is this close to replicating Paul Konchesky's goal for West Ham United in the 2006 FA Cup final, his cross catching on the wind and fooling a flat-footed Boruc. But the ball doesn't find the top right, instead sailing out of play, an inch or so wide of the target. Nothing's happening for Everton today. They've been poor on the whole, and Saints deserve to be winning, too, but nothing's gone for the visitors today.
2.20pm BST
76 min: Gallagher's race is run. Ward-Prowse comes on in his stead.
2.22pm BST
78 min: Everton haven't given up. First Naismith battles down the left only to stumble over a couple of red-shirted challenges, then Baines sends a low fizzing cross into the box from the left, forcing Cork to slash behind for a corner. Nothing comes from the set piece. The clock's against Everton now, but heads are yet to drop.
2.24pm BST
81 min: Olé! Olé! Olé! Saints are playing keepball down the left. They're going nowhere, but then that's not really the point.
Everton's manager Roberto Martinez.
Updated at 2.29pm BST
2.26pm BST
82 min: Lovren gets in a tangle with McCarthy down the Everton right. Both players fall over in the area, and the away side scream for a penalty that might kick-start a dramatic late salvage operation. But there's no foul there, just a couple of clumsy buggers faffing around. The referee gets this one right, much to Everton's chagrin.
2.28pm BST
85 min: David Moyes must be wondering why Everton didn't play like this last weekend. They've been poor today. When your luck's out, it's out. Po' David! Po' David's a-cold!
2.29pm BST
86 min: The perpetually excellent Lallana is replaced by Reed. "I'd love to buttress this architectural riff that has me beaming," writes Grant Tennille, "but haven't a clue as to how, despite the blueprint you've provided."
2.31pm BST
88 min: An Everton head finally drops. It belongs to Baines, who takes down a raking crossfield pass on the left wing with effortless ease. Wonderful control. But with the box loaded, he's correctly flagged offside.
2.32pm BST
89 min: Reed elegantly skips over a clumpish slide tackle from the lumbering Alcaraz, but runs the ball out of play down the right with options in the middle. A shame for the young player, but that was a tasty burst of speed and skill nevertheless. Davis is replaced by Guly.
2.33pm BST
90 min: There will be three added minutes. Everton may as well use them praying to the football gods for Newcastle United to rediscover their mojo.
2.37pm BST FULL TIME: Southampton 2-0 Everton
Ward-Prowse hits a screamer from the edge of the area. Howard parries. And that's that for this match. That's probably that for Everton's hopes of Champions League football next season, unless Newcastle can do them a turn at Arsenal on Monday night. A deserved win for the Saints, although Everton will travel home wondering about that offside decision at the start of the second half, goals changing matches as they do. But you can't afford to gift the opposition with two own goals at the best of times, never mind at the business end of the season.
The situation certainly is clearer, then, with Arsenal very much liking the look of what they see.