Sepp Blatter’s limp challengers reveal him as the world’s best dictatorWith only a washed-up diplomat, a prince and David Ginola taking him on, it’s no wonder the Fifa president’s longevity can only now be measured against actual dictators • Jérôme Champagne blasts ‘gold-diggers’ as campaign falters
• Daniel Taylor: David Ginola’s bid just adds to the Fifa stench
Sepp Blatter's peer group long ago ceased to be mere sporting administrators or democratically elected presidents. Photograph: Shamukov Ruslan/ Shamukov Ruslan/ITAR-TASS Photo/Corbis
There’s a memorable scene in Miller’s Crossing, where Albert Finney’s ageing Irish-American mob boss thwarts an assassination attempt by tommy-gunning his way out of his house and continuing relentlessly down the street, still in his silk dressing gown. As one of his hoods can only remark later: “The old man’s still an artist with a Thompson.”
And so to Sepp Blatter, as this 78-year-old man prepares for his fifth Fifa presidential election, in which his opponents comprise, in almost no particular order: some Jordanian prince, a washed-up French diplomat, and David Ginola. Got to hand it to him, haven’t you? The old man’s still an artist with a Thompson.
Blatter’s peer group some time ago ceased to be mere sporting administrators, or even democratically elected heads of state. After all, there is no statesman on earth that he does not effectively appear to regard himself as senior to, as that “extreme pressure” on a grieving Nelson Mandela to attend the World Cup final in 2010 only served to confirm.
Such is the Fifa president’s endurance, despite endless cries of condemnation, that he can only really be measured against actual dictators. Considered in those terms, the fact that Blatter does not use Thompsons or their equivalent to enforce his will is even more remarkable. He may well be the most successful non-homicidal dictator of the past century. Certainly since Marshal Tito.
Enter David Ginola – last seen serving as a tour guide to the town of Sainte-Maxime in Channel 4’s Coach Trip – who is affecting to run for the Fifa presidency with the backing of the bookmaker Paddy Power. We shan’t waste too much time on this exciting third act in the life of Mr Ginola, his stunt having been disapproved of by some commentators with quite bewildering seriousness considering it’s basically the equivalent of one of the Teletubbies standing against Vladimir Putin.
Of only marginally more concern to the great Swiss survivor is the campaign of his erstwhile adviser Jérôme Champagne, who this week was reduced to calling his opponents “gold-diggers”, and moaning that it’s all a done deal anyway (as, rather eccentrically, he almost did on the very day he announced his candidacy last year). “The feeling exists that the final result of the election is set and it would be risky to sign them,” he explained of his inability to garner the signatures of the requisite five member associations, an omission that leaves him without a constituency to go back to and prepare for government. “There is also a fear of being singled out or punished.” Like I said, the old man’s still an artist.
Finally, there is Prince Ali of Jordan, who announced he would be standing against Blatter this month. He is far more hopeful on the signatures front, having the backing of the Uefa overlord Darth Platini, who unfortunately really is more machine now than man, and who has presumably earmarked Prince Ali as the right sort of candidate to keep the throne warm for him next time around. Blatter can’t go for a sixth term. Can he?
Prince Ali’s CV highlights include … but no, I honestly can’t be bothered looking up the other day jobs of any of the sporting administrators from the non-democracies. They always manage to combine the chairmanship of their FA or Olympic committee with trifles such as being a prince and running the country’s secret police. Their perfectly manicured Wikipedia entries typically link to articles that avoid drawing unfortunate conclusions. “He joined the Jordanian army,” runs a Newsweek effort on Prince Ali, “where he rose to the rank of Brigadier.” And you can only imagine that promotion was touch-and-go right down to the wire. See also his sister’s ascension within the International Olympic Committee. Still, apparently we have to call him a moderniser, which certainly modernises the hell out of my definition of that word.
So there are your runners and riders, though it is mooted they will be joined by the Chilean Harold Mayne-Nicholls – who, rather self-parodically, is being investigated for his conduct during the 2018/2022 World Cup bidding process. The only other hurdle Mr Blatter looks like having to clear at present is a delegation of British MPs and campaigners, who are due to arrive in Brussels on Wednesday and discuss how to bring about a new Fifa. Champagne will be speaking – though unfortunately, at the last minute, Prince Ali has revealed that he is unable to attend the gathering. Mr Ginola’s arrangements are unknown.
It’s all organised by the Tory MP and Fifa critic Damian Collins, who this week placed de-Blatterisation in perspective. “Last year,” he explained, “the world celebrated the 25th anniversary of something many people said would ‘never’ happen – the fall of the Berlin Wall. Sixteen years ago, people said the Olympic movement could never get past its corruption scandals. Two years ago, people said that world cycling could not be cleaned up. History shows that change can and does happen, even in seemingly impenetrable circumstances.”
Alternatively, history shows us that even Meat Loaf was being optimistic, and that one out of three ain’t bad.
So I don’t want to go out on a limb here, but you probably wouldn’t want to bet against Sepp sweeping to victory for a fifth time in May’s Fifa presidential election. That said, even if you did want to bet against it, you wouldn’t be able to with a certain aforementioned bookmaker, Paddy Power, where a spokeswoman tells me that it isn’t offering any odds on the Fifa presidency. “Er, we’re just not pricing it up,” she says. Well of course not. Why would you?
