sheff
Dodgy Goalkeeper
Posts: 891
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Post by sheff on Feb 2, 2016 18:56:34 GMT
Not bad.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2016 15:15:37 GMT
Two managers talking to each other:
'Does you secretary use a dictaphone'
'No, she uses her finger like everyone else'
I hear Liverpool have made two new signings, one from Japan and one from Italy
I Nikamota and U Robatelli
Manager: 'Who was that on the phone Miss Jones?'
'No one important sir, just some man who said it's long distance from Australia - so I told him I already knew that and put the phone down'
Wife: 'My beauty is timeless
Husband: Yeah, it could stop a clock
I see Liverpool have two new strikers called Bert and Ernie - so they can play with the rest of the muppets!
Coco Chanel once said you should put perfume on every place you want to be kissed by a man -
S**t, does that burn
Liverpool have started a new website for unemployed footballers - 'Webuyanycunt.com
Three men have been arrested for breaking into a hospital and stealing 350 urine samples -
They've been charged with taking the piss
Police have found the body of a man in the River Mersey wearing a Liverpool FC shirt, women's underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Liverpool shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
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Post by Avinalaff on Feb 3, 2016 15:23:42 GMT
My life will be changed forever after that lot ha ha
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Post by evertontillidie on Feb 3, 2016 21:59:29 GMT
I like a good joke.
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sky
Super Sub
Posts: 694
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Post by sky on Feb 6, 2016 18:58:24 GMT
And just because its nearly Velantines :-
My wife rang me to say that “Three of the girls in the Office have received flowers for Valentine’s Day and they’re gorgeous !” “I know,” I replied, “That’s probably why they got them !”
Got a Valentine’s card from Moonpig this week…. She hates it when I call her that !
I gave blood today…. I know it's not the best gift to give my wife for Valentine's Day - but at least it came from the heart !
Damn my daughter’s handwriting identification skills… She has carefully deduced that her secret Valentine every year is Santa !
Last year, on Valentine’s Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won £6.2 million ! I wonder what she's doing nowadays ?
I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up…. The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to shag her !
“Wanna know what I got you for Valentine’s Day ?” said my wife I nodded and she continued, “You see that red Ferrari over there ?” “Y-y-y-e-s-s-s-s,” I choked in anticipation “Well,” she added, “I got you a notepad in the same colour !” Valentines day. I thought all my money troubles seemed so far away.
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