65years
Dodgy Goalkeeper
Posts: 941
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Post by 65years on Feb 1, 2016 22:15:19 GMT
After the frantic Transfer Deadline day antics......let's have a laugh!..........
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "No tanks, I've only got a small garden."
Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick, "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy, “We'll lie and say we only found two!”
A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won £52!
Paddy's racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn’t work; if anything it made him more sluggish.
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says, "Bejesas, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb. The operator asks, "Is it tickin? Paddy says, "No I tink it's turkey."
Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you ' re making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you.”
Paddy says, "Well the joke's on them, stupid, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Paddy says to Mick, “I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different.
3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?” Paddy replies, “I'll take her with me!”
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year.” Mick says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "Yes, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
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Post by Avinalaff on Feb 2, 2016 3:24:31 GMT
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Post by mcrbluenose on Feb 2, 2016 12:52:48 GMT
And just because its nearly Velantines :-
My wife rang me to say that “Three of the girls in the Office have received flowers for Valentine’s Day and they’re gorgeous !” “I know,” I replied, “That’s probably why they got them !”
Got a Valentine’s card from Moonpig this week…. She hates it when I call her that !
I gave blood today…. I know it's not the best gift to give my wife for Valentine's Day - but at least it came from the heart !
Damn my daughter’s handwriting identification skills… She has carefully deduced that her secret Valentine every year is Santa !
Last year, on Valentine’s Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won £6.2 million ! I wonder what she's doing nowadays ?
I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up…. The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to shag her !
“Wanna know what I got you for Valentine’s Day ?” said my wife I nodded and she continued, “You see that red Ferrari over there ?” “Y-y-y-e-s-s-s-s,” I choked in anticipation “Well,” she added, “I got you a notepad in the same colour !”
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Post by jimmy on Feb 2, 2016 16:34:19 GMT
Well they made me laugh.
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65years
Dodgy Goalkeeper
Posts: 941
|
Post by 65years on Feb 2, 2016 18:25:06 GMT
And just because its nearly Velantines :-
My wife rang me to say that “Three of the girls in the Office have received flowers for Valentine’s Day and they’re gorgeous !” “I know,” I replied, “That’s probably why they got them !”
Got a Valentine’s card from Moonpig this week…. She hates it when I call her that !
I gave blood today…. I know it's not the best gift to give my wife for Valentine's Day - but at least it came from the heart !
Damn my daughter’s handwriting identification skills… She has carefully deduced that her secret Valentine every year is Santa !
Last year, on Valentine’s Day, my fiancée of five years bought me a lottery ticket and I won £6.2 million ! I wonder what she's doing nowadays ?
I can't believe I've mixed their Valentine's Day cards up…. The girlfriend now thinks I love her and the wife thinks I want to shag her !
“Wanna know what I got you for Valentine’s Day ?” said my wife I nodded and she continued, “You see that red Ferrari over there ?” “Y-y-y-e-s-s-s-s,” I choked in anticipation “Well,” she added, “I got you a notepad in the same colour !” Couple of funny ones there mcrbluenose. I'll pinch one or two of those.
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